Be In Balance Even If It’s Cold

Be in Balance even if it's on a snowy lake as shown by this artist image.
Snowy Lake In Balance In Winter

Study In Frozen Balance

Study In Balance

I think it’s time to have a study in balance, and so we will. Every time I undertake to write on this Blog, it is a study in balance. Finding I usually work best under pressure, It is different on this Blog. When I think about balance, it brings a serenity to mind.

Winter is here. In the heartland, there is a snowstorm with icy roads and snow drifts. The weather people are warning everyone to stay in out of the bad weather. They advise to not drive in the snowstorm tonight unless it is an emergency. Some will adventure out anyway, and will have to be rescued!

Here in the Southern part of the United States, it gets cold, and sometimes we have snow. But it is seldom the bad bitter cold weather of the North. I think our weather is more balanced. In Florida, where the temperature is predominantly the same year round it is truly balanced.


Add Walnuts For Balance

After I finished reading an article on walnuts, I was so impressed, I must tell you all I could about them. They are so good to taste! Yes, English Walnuts, I had to get me some! Delicious! Whether you bust their shell and eat them raw or wait and roast them lightly for about fifteen minutes, Walnuts are delicious!

Image of a pair of hands cupping a handful of shelled English Walnuts.

I am going to write more concerning Walnuts and Being In Balance as a Bipolar later.

Winter Gate Shrouded in Snow

Winter Garden Gates Keep In Balance

While I write snow is softly falling outside my home, and I did not know it was forecast. I was simply musing about all of the wintry weather up north. The central heat is so expensive, but it rarely kicks on. We have a small 3-burner gas stove and it heats our small home enough with our usually mild weather.

Image of three English Walnuts in  the shell and three cracked walnuts to keep a Bipolar's depression in balance.

Keeping Bipolar & ADHD In Balance

Walnuts are a Superfood and it doesn’t matter if you like English or Black Walnuts, both are a Superfood! I will be mostly writing about English Walnuts because those are the kind I am eating. They are a brain delight for Bipolars since Walnuts are stress relievers and help with depression to keep the mood in balance.

These wonderful snacks are full of Vitamin B6 and Fatty Acids similar to those in Salmon. Walnuts don’t cause a sugar rush and can be eaten during the day at lunchtime for children or adults. They are wonderful to eat raw or toast lightly for fifteen minutes in the oven.

I am going to put some by the TV and on the counter in the kitchen for a healthy snack anytime! Anytime does not mean over-indulgence. Too much to the point of overdoing and you’re not in balance, and with walnuts that could mean diarrhea.

Image of bottles and jars of CBD BioCare

In Balance With CBD BioCare

One thing that helps keep me in balance is CBD Products from CBD BioCare. I need the CBD Oil daily that I find helps me with Anxiety and Chronic Pain. Allowing me to forgo pain pills I used to take, I am pleased.

Children Social Anxiety Disorder

When I was five in 1955, I was in Kindergarten and we had ‘Show and Tell’ in class. I was unprepared for what happened to me when I walked in front of that group of children.

My breakfast was in my throat and the room swam in front of my eyes. I couldn’t speak, and I couldn’t walk. I couldn’t even cry. My Teacher is an older woman, a seasoned-teacher, who has been educating children for several years.

This is a beautiful, fall day in Southern California and my Teacher simply takes my hand and firmly guides me outside. Sitting with her in the shade of a tree while children played around us, I began to feel better. We have no idea what is wrong with me! Years later, I know this is my first remembered Anxiety Attack!

When I am thirty-nine in 1990, I am diagnosed, Severe Anxiety, Bipolar 1 from birth. At the time I am diagnosed I am having up to three Anxiety Attacks a day. Some people have many more!

The diagnosis becomes Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), and I continue my lifetime of living it. Now though, I am medicated by a physician. Day to day life does get easier for me and my family, and I am more in balance.

Image of two feet in tennis shoes over a rocky abys

Overdosed On Heroin

I am not in balance today. Six days ago I received a call from a close family member telling me someone had overdosed on Heroin. He was close to me although I had not seen him in years. I watched him as a child growing up with hardships no one could do anything about at the time! Now I know, I nor anyone else, knew what was being done to this boy’s mind.

Then there were the family stories of his escapades with different drugs through the years. The stories told during the twenty-three years of his young life were not flattering to him or my family.

After the funeral, I find out the final report says “By Heroin Overdose.” This is heartbreaking! Generations of drugs and Depression in my family, and in this generation a man succeeds in death. Why? Why was this one given up?

False Study In Balance

This started as a study in balance but some family news can throw you off balance, or at least, it can me. I am still sitting in my recliner, at the computer, though my world in my mind has been turned upside down.

What should I have done eighteen years ago when I saw this happening to him? He was a small boy and his world was turned upside down. Through illness and weakness, his life was changed for the worse and he was helpless. I often cried out about, why no adult came to help me when I was a child? But I survived. Why him? Why didn’t he?

All I can cry out is WHY? So Someone would ask, “Where is your faith?”

To All, I must say, “My mind is shaken, my faith is not. To have faith does not mean you don’t question the evils of this world or the failings in yourself.”

That’s all I’m going to say about that, I don’t have time to deal with that right now, I have a crisis in my mind. Peace about eternity I have, but coping with this world’s problems is a whole different matter.

I apologize for so scattered a post, but honesty is what you will get from me. That is the reason I have blogs, to talk to my readers, to share my story.

Overdose at 23, Attempted Overdose at 19

Image of many pills and tablets meds and drugs

Aaron died of an overdose at twenty-three with the drug in his life at the time. At the age of nineteen, I attempted an overdose with every medication in the cabinet in the bathroom! I am assuming the great pain and depression was somewhat the same with both of us!

And Remember, when I write, I reference my other blogs, and think on thoughts I have written earlier. Thus, bringing up facts I may have forgotten, or feelings with which I have not dealt.

If You Hurt, Tell Someone

Was the only difference that he chose hidden alone in a public place, where no one found and saved him. I chose in my home and was discovered by friends, and even the police in time to be saved. That is a frightening, slim difference.

Aaron had many friends attend and speak at his Funeral Service and he was much mourned by them. Why did he not go to his family or friends with his pain and desperation? I remember from my youth. He figured his pain was bigger than him so it was bigger than them, too! Listen, what’s too big for one is not too big for a family! Or a couple of friends!

Through the years I tried to learn to talk to my friends and to share my painful feelings with my sister. I discovered they cared! They tried to listen to what I had to say and said how they felt about what I had discussed with them.

Stay A Home Mom

So my husband works very hard and keeps me a nice home, and every weekend we go to his mother’s for him to go hunting. In the first ten years, we have two children, and we are helicopter parents; we seldom leave them with babysitters. If the two children can’t go with us, we don’t go.

We go as a family on the weekend to my husband’s parent’s house so he can hunt, fish, or garden. Sometimes we stay home and work in our own garden for my husband is a hard worker, and he is always helping someone. My husband is very dependable and everyone depends on him.

I learn to cook more Southern food, sew lots of things, knit, and crochet. Every new baby received a knitted or crocheted blanket. One Christmas I was manic and I sewed thirty-eight blue denim vests for the men and boys in my family.

Nerves – Depression – Bad Health

I had bad times with my nerves and depression, and a lot of bad health. Two ruptured discs in my lower back made it impossible for me to keep up with my husband. Even with two back surgeries, I was not in good shape.

Two miscarriagges and a hysterectomy by age thirty-three set me up for some situational, hormonal, mental and emotional problems. All I knew was, my nerves were bad, and no nerve medicine I tried had given me any relief.

Depression and a realization of my own worthlessness usually left me feeling totally over-whelmed. I would curl up on the sofa and cry for days and no one did anything. When I could I fed the family, when I couldn’t my husband brought home food. My husband just told me, most of the time I got up and cooked food.

Round Balls Faces Emotions to Get In Balance

Brain Surgery & Emotion Not In Balance

In winter 1990, my husband has brain surgery to remove a tumor and the surgery is a total success. The neurosurgeon tells us the hen-egg size tumor at his Temporal Lobe has flattened his emotions for the last twelve to fifteen years. So according to his doctor his emotions have not been in balance!

The neurosurgeon forbids my husband from driving for six months, thinking this would keep him from going back to work too soon. He controls himself for three months, and gets a friend to share a ride to work and drives him!

Then coaxes his employer into letting him work part-time. This determined man has a supervisory position so he takes light-duty and it is alright. His job is his life.

Image of large eye with fingers curling out of lower lid.

Then I ask the doctor if he would be my doctor, too, and he said he would if I would see another doctor for him. Dr. Manning told me he had been observing me, too, during my husband’s visits, and I needed a special kind of doctor. I needed a neurological-psychiatrist in his opinion because he thought I needed special testing.

I had years before then stopped seeing medical doctors. But there was something special about the way my husband’s doctor took care of him. Watching intently, I liked what I saw.

Bipolar In Balance

Five weeks later I saw Dr. Dietrich Blumer, neurological-psychiatrist, and he was in his early sixties. I took some tests, had long interviews with the doctor, and then it was time to begin several new medications. In two weeks my life changed!

Later Dr. Blumer would give me my diagnosis, Severe Anxiety, Social Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar 1 Disorder. I would continue to spend my life learning to live with these disorders. (Now I am sixty-eight years old.) The doctor told me I had this from birth.

I also am diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, and I have a dysfunctional TMJ which causes severe head and face aches. I wear a mouth brace for the TMJ problem.

I have Bipolar 1 Disorder, and sometimes the mania would get out of my control, and I would go into the hospital. My Psychiatrist would mix me up a new cocktail of psyche medications and a short time would pass. There would be loneliness, learning, and adjustment to drugs but it would work, and soon, I would go home.

The depressive times for me I remember being worse than the mania times. But I take my medication religiously, for I lived thirty-nine years as an unmedicated bipolar. I didn’t like it, and I am sure I prefer to be medicated. Now I have lived twenty-nine years medicated, and twenty-eight of those years I was also on an opioid and a narcotic.

A Year Without Valium (Diazepam)

Next month, I will celebrate a year without Valium (Diazepam). Not one and it wasn’t easy but I am doing it. Now I am positive I am still coping with an addiction to Valium (Diazepam). For I dealt with physical withdrawals, and I still feel the draw to wish for a Valium during stressful times.

In July 2018 I stopped taking Oxycodone and found out I wasn’t mentally addicted, but I was physically dependent. I replaced the opioid with Lyrica and CBD from August till October and then saw my Pain Specialist.

Holly was serious with me and she told me I had given myself an opiate holiday.

If we could look into each others lives at the joys and burdens we share in common, we would not judge each other so harshly.

There seems to be a great deal of writing here, and not so much balance. But there are many kinds and ways to be out of balance and in balance. We will look into this soon.

Thank you for reading along with me! Please leave me a comment, or an opinion, or a life experience, especially if you are a Bipolar!